Parenting in India and Abroad
Preface
Shashank's 5 year old son Adi threw his dad's iPhone across the hall in a rage. Shashank told him "Adi, you cannot do that!" for which Aditya took another android phone that was on the table and flung it at him again. He was in rage! And Shashank had no idea how to handle it. He mentions, this is not just once but a common problem he faces on a daily basis.
Where exactly is Shashank going wrong in his parenting?
Parenting in General
Most often, working couples decide to have a baby and never realize that they need to account their time spent with the kids at various ages for their education, development, hobbies, personality, behavior and more.
Parenting is not to be taken for granted. Kids, while growing up, need a lot of attention, loving and caring, guidance, answers to their questions - all of which requires time from the busy schedules of working and "socio-politan" parents.
Every action by parents, words used, fights, arguments, habits, behavioural traits, food habits all get picked up by kids which makes parenting a direct and a very high influencer in the growth and development of children. It is very important for parents to keep their heated discussions or sensitive talks when the kids are either alseep or away. Studies have shown that, the bonding and understanding between the couple (parents) makes a huge difference in the kids behaviour and social growth.
Parenting across the world
There are various forms and types of parenting that is observed across cultures and geographies.
Attachment Parenting, Authoritative Parenting, Un-involved Parenting, Permissive Parenting, Tiger Parenting, Over Protective Parenting, Competitive Parenting and more.
There is a huge difference in parenting / upbringing of kids between the East and the West. Parenting habits also varies a lot across various countries whether east of west. Asian countries like China, Vietnam, potty train their babies by 9-10 months. South American kids for eg in: Argentina are made to stay up very late with the parents which can be seen in restaurants at 11 pm in the night whereas Americans would have their kids in bed by 7:30 pm. Most Western countries strictly follow the rule of "do not beat your kids" wherein,in countries like India, China and more, mischievous activities by kids are followed by a spanking or slapping from mom / dad. Many eastern countries still have joint families or closely-knit kith and kin who influence upbringing of children like Grandparents, Uncles and Aunts while many western countries are very nuclear in nature with hardly any influence from anyone other than parents. Neglectful or Disengaged Parenting seen in some of the western countries often makes the kids depressed, emotionally withdrawn and induce fear and anxiety.
Parenting in India
Parenting in India is directly influenced by the cultural and societal history and heritage and the changing times at any given point of time. Indian style of parenting is a lot based on the principles of Attachment theory which forms a strong emotional bond for the child with the parents giving a better socio-emotional development. This also has the negative of over-controlling of the kids by parents and minimizes the freedom to explore and nurture and grow.
A lot of factors influence parenting and upbringing of kids especially in India:
- Economical Status of parents
- Educational qualification of parents
- Location and culture
- Grandparents and Family members
Common Mistakes by Parents and Especially NRI parents (abroad)
- Non qualified advices - Frustrated parents of mischievous children end up talking and discussing their child's behavior or health with friends and folks who may be less qualified and less aware of the socio-cultural background abroad. The confident free advice will come easy. This can have a negative impact on the behavior and growth if applied without enough research or advice from experts
- Negative talk - Many Indian families have the habit of discussing topics which can be negative in nature right in front of the kids. They do not understand the fact that every single word uttered is getting registered. Since parents are the early role-models for their kids, this can have a high impact on their thought process. Commenting on other cultures, race, religion, background etc should be completely avoided. Countries like America has a rich population of families from different countries, it would become difficult for children to accept their friends with an open mind if parents do negative talks about others
- Over attachment and over caring - while loving and caring is the most essential ingredient of parenting, over caring and affection beyond limits can lead to rebellious nature and go out of control. Assertive Parenting is very important and the parents need to have a strong heart when handling kids without giving in to their crying or funny actions
- Baby talk - cooing, babbling by parents to their kids, is not advised as babies start deciphering and learning language skills much before they start talking. It is a good idea to start talking normal language as it starts building vocabulary and also makes the child intelligent
- Setting unreasonable expectations without reason - Culturally, Indians are brought up with "don't do it, and don't ask why!", "sit quietly for 30 minutes without making noise" etc. Kids need to know why, when you tell them something. With a strict regime to follow and no proper explanations, kids will be very confused about many things and start following blindly without questioning. This will stint growth and development of the child and have a social impact when dealing with children from other cultures
- Warnings and harsh talk with kids - Indian parents give a lot of warnings to their kids or even follow Tiger Parenting methods. In Countries like America where Government is very strict about child upbringing and have a set of rules to be followed, Indian parents get confused about how to handle kids that are very mischievous. Slowly, the kids start ignoring the warnings by parents and become rebellious
- Copying other parent styles - With not enough awareness on parenting styles, many Indian parents abroad, simply copy some techniques or actions by other parents and try to apply the same on their kids. Not knowing the reason behind the technique applied for eg: Authoritarian Parenting, they use it blindly which may adversely effect the kids behaviour
- Less outdoors - With advancement of technology these days, most kids either have iPads, TV in their rooms, XBox or some other gizmos to spend enough time. They spend a lot of time within the constraints of four walls and do not get time or interest to go out and play. Playing outdoors is very essential for being active, getting enough sunlight, intermingling with others, communicating with other kids and more
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